I Hate Lent

I used to not hate Lent…at least I think I used to not hate Lent. I think I learned that it was a time for a more deeper look at what Jesus has done for me. I think that is what I had learned and taught. I think that looking more deeper at what Jesus did for me was not what my mind needed in a whole season. It is more like taking all the Alleluias out of my world because it wasn’t time for that “during Lent”. I keep saying think, because now I just don’t know.

I am an over thinker. Ask my husband. He has seen it when I crawl into the deepest questions, turning them over with a toothpick to see what is under there and he is, God love him, just able to accept grace and peace and not get all sweaty over it. Not me. I am a soaking with sweat over thinker, champion analyzer extraordinaire.

I think that there are more people than the church or the world is ready to recognize that think of Lent as an all in out punishment…to me. Yes, just to me. No, I know that others have a feeling like this because I have lived long enough to know that I have not had the first thought of anything. For me though I need to air it out. Here. That is the whole reason for this blog.

I do think that there should be more Glorias and Alleluias because people like me always have my sins before me and see my negatives more than my positives. It is like a cloud that hangs about and I am constantly swatting away the birds of sadness and giving a good attempt at the loudest alleluias for life everyday. Many people would call this depression and I am thinking of giving it a name like Banshee or something. On one hand I think that naming depression would be giving it more power, but perhaps calling it out takes the edge off.

Lent unfortunately comes to our northern climate while winter is still poking us and the older I get I hate winter too. Lent makes the winter even longer and the torture that it brings me is a grinding plod in making it through the days without wishing the days away. Then people say not to wish your days away as they are so precious. Not after Christmas and during Lent. I would like to get out a big eraser. Can’t have the rainbows without the rain…whatever….I would like to try that.

They say it probably is Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have had it for years and years. My dad even built me a special light box. The days are short and the weather is cold. We get up in the dark, arrive home from work in the dark, work away from windows and do it all over each day….without alleluias. This doesn’t have to be this way. How so, Jane?

If Lent were more a reminder every day that the Father character in the Prodigal Son Parable in Luke 15:11-32  which says, 31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” Of course we are both sons, but still…glorias from the Father is what I need. 

I walk around metaphorically with the old Jewish tradition of one idea in one pocket and one in another. One pocket has the words, “You are from dust!” and the other has, “You are the King’s daughter!” They are both true and if there were some balance I wouldn’t limp and lean to one side, metaphorically speaking…although I limp a bit when I am sore. I am not in balance and neither is the Lenten message that I have received more and more over the years. Is it just in my mind or is it the message?

One of my friends posed this idea of Lent being a kind of torture, not sure those were her words…to her pastor and he said that it never occurred to him that people would feel so very bad. Really? Shocking, as I think that there is a fine line there for people when doling out, you are dust cards to keep us humble and not doling out more you are the King’s kid cards.

I get that most stories have to have a climax to peek our interest, but I am pretty sure that we know how this story goes and it is a great one. I won’t be attending church anymore during Lent. It is just too painful. The birds of sadness are roosting and ashes are not helping to scare them away. I don’t need to be given more dust cards just in case I get carried away by being the King’s daughter. I hate Lent and love me some Alleluias without end. I’m an Easter person.

 

 

One thought on “I Hate Lent

  1. This is certainly food for thought. The older I get, the longer it takes me to get ready for something. I need all the gray of Lent to anticipate the celebration of Easter. But then living further south, my winter days are a little bit longer and a fair bit warmer than yours so I don’t have to deal with such dreariness in January, February and March.

    Liked by 1 person

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