Friendship Shifts

Now that I have lived on this earth for nearly six decades I can look back and see how my choices of friends have morphed over time. I am glad that there will be some years yet to make friends. I still have some from when I was a girl, some new ones and champs that have come to stay along the way. Lately I am not ready to get new friends. It just sort of happened.

I have this group of friends from Job 2 that for some unseen reason have invited me into their pond. They are all young enough to be my daughters and not young enough to be my granddaughters. I get asked to go out to eat with them, they ask if they can come over, if I want to go to the bar with them, ect. Now, that last part should get your attention. I thought that perhaps I would be a little joke or an oddity, but time has proven that they are legit. I really like them. They are kind, good, hard working and on the cusp of being almost 30…or 25. Do I go to the bar? Twice I did. It just doesn’t fit me really, but I met most of them a few years ago and now they are in my orbit and I like it. They are really interesting.

In my vision of friendship there is a circle. I am in the middle with the ripples going out about me. The circles are not solid and people have come to a closer ripple and back farther over time. and visa versa.  It is a weird orbit. It has been my experience that just when I think that those circles are pretty much set in stone they change and the people that I think are far from me have or will not be close ever again have a way of bypassing several rings getting in closer. I like that and have accepted that that way and the other way too.

Not too long ago I heard that one of my co-workers would be moving. I had formed a really good relationship with her and had learned a lot. She was as different from me as a cat is from a pickle. She is an atheist and I am not. She is a young and I am not. She was raised on a clothing optional ranch and I was not. She is a yoga instructor and I can barely walk up stairs. She is involved in this interesting art feature and I am just interested. She is amazing. When I heard she was leaving I thought that I would miss her and that she must have come into my life for a reason. Maybe I came into hers for something too.

When we first met I think we did a jittery dance of the unlikely friends. Her eyes winced a bit when I said something about being a Christian, although she tried to hide it. I get that a lot since I have gotten jobs in the public sector. Maybe my eyes winced a bit when she mentioned the vibe of the universe was askew when a certain planet was in some other alignment, but we both persevered on. Maybe it was because of curiosity or perhaps we saw something in each other that was worth our time.

We got to speak a bit ago and discussed a some about our early jittery dance. How good it is have given it enough time to build trust and respect to listen. I think that she will be gone in a month and I will always be grateful for her coming into my orbit.

There are people in my pond that I would not really want to be in there anymore. Their views are so alternate of mine that I can hardly abide listening to them and they probably feel the same about me. The thing is that they are stuck in there because I used to really, really have hope for them and think that their true self will eventually come out. Then again, maybe this is their true self. Aren’t we supposed to become more of what we really are as we know better?  Since I am a hopeful person I always think that they might come to their senses and get it together. I am willing to over look their ideas that are utterly alternate than mine because they have done that for me. Is that love or is that punishment? I have only kicked out people that have hurt me and now days they NEVER are allowed back in.

There was one person that I knew from college that suddenly appeared here again some years back for a few days as my house guest. I hadn’t seen her since my husband and my wedding. It was the longest house guest stay of my life. I have no idea why she had reappeared, but told me while she was drunk that my life was not interesting in any way. That we were pretty much not doing life right and tried to tell me how that should go. That is someone that anyone does not need to reappear in anyone’s life or actually show up in there in the first place. I always look back on that few days and go, “What was that about? What was I supposed to learn or wasn’t that about me?”

I used to think that if all my friends were in the same room the only thing that they would have in common would be me. I tried it a few times and it is mostly true, but people are nice and they put up with each other. All of my friends are interesting and have so much to offer anyone.

Recently I reconnected with a person that lived in my community that I haven’t seen in 40 years. I discovered we were looking at some of the same information on line and new ways of looking at things. One never knows who will pop up just when you need them.

There is a friend from childhood who knew all the creek and trees of our childhood. We never get together now, but once in a while we will have a little chat on Facebook and think fondly of those days and how we were. It is nice to have her in the world. I think she feels the same about me.

There are those people that knew you then and then know you now and are still hanging tough. That is a wonder to me. Sometimes I have to meet with them so I can remember myself both to see how far I have come and to remember who I still am. I can say things that they might call me out on or just listen and not think I have gone stark raving mad.

I used to try to get into an orbit of certain people. I think most youth do that. Everyone is just trying to find a solar system to rotate in. Does this fit? Should I try to fit? Now I am more selective in who I want to revolve with. Then once in a while someone will come near me and I know they are my friend when they only have known me for about a second. What is up with that? Pretty great.

One of my young friends put up a saying on a page that sort of let folks know that some of them were absent from her orbit and maybe they don’t need to come in closer anymore. I talked to her about it and gently suggested that maybe she should just leave the light on for them, if they were to come back in, maybe someone needs to learn something. I think I will take my own advice, except people who come and tell me that I am not interesting in anyway.

One thought on “Friendship Shifts

  1. “Not interesting in any way” is the furthest from the truth! You are always putting yourself in new situations. Maybe she didn’t know the difference between chaos and being interesting.


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